Writing porn while asexual

9 Sep

One of the things about being in a small fandom where there’s often opportunities to say “prompt me” is that I get a fair amount of prompts, which my guilt superpower then makes me feel compelled to write.

Note: this post discusses writing porn, although in general terms instead of anatomical ones. But because people scrolling through this blog are more likely to be repulsed than in other areas of the Internet, I’m putting the rest of it under a cut.

Unfortunately I can’t once remember to put “please don’t ask me to write porn” in my prompt calling — it’s not that I can’t, it’s just that I can’t without a beta reader and about five times as much time as it takes to write a regular story, and honestly it’s an incredibly boring process for me. I’m not against writing it now and then — though I mostly do it for gift challenges — but it takes so much effort and I don’t get much of a reward out of it because it’s not something I find enjoyable.

It’s kind of like writing an essay when I haven’t read the topic material that happens to be in another language that I’m not very good at translating. You flip through the book or whatever, cherry-pick a few quotes, and attempt to make it sound like you definitely read and comprehended the material. Usually I have to go read porn in order to write porn, because I don’t have an intrinsic sense of what is “sexy.” I am extremely bad at reading sexually-focused body language, so I have no idea how to write it, and hope that whatever I come up with will be read in a way that the story achieves the prompter’s goal.

While my fandom has a healthy kink meme with a lot of well-written stories (a lot that I enjoy just on their own, too) and finding reference material is not difficult, applying those concepts to something I’m writing is… like watching paint dry. Yes, the feedback that inevitably results from the stories is nice. But the actual process of writing it bores me to tears. In short, it’s a ton of work, but not work that connects to me personally, so it’s not a fulfilling work experience.

My conversations with my porn beta readers usually go like this: “How long exactly does this have to go on? When are people going to be satisfied? When can I fade to black? How much dialogue can I use for filler? Can I stop now? Wait, what do you mean that character’s orgasms aren’t realistic? Orgasms aren’t fireworks displays like in the KY commercials? I’m so confused.”

The reason I can’t remember to ask people not to prompt me for porn is genuinely just that I forget that people will ask for porn. I don’t usually read it, aside from trawling the kink meme, so I forget that, well, people like reading porn. And then I get a porn prompt and the guilt kicks in and I flounder trying to think of something suitable.

Also, there’s a good handful of people in my community who know that I’m ace, so for some reason I always expect that to mean no one’s going to ask me for porn. But of course I have written porn in the past, for gift challenges, and I guess I write well enough that people remember that and want more of it. Which I know is a compliment.

The end result, after everything is posted and people have read it, is usually that I feel like a big ol troll even though quality fic is probably not something a troll aims for.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: